i used to be a writer


It has been a long while since I have touched these keys in an effort to tell my stories. It has been hard to write for such a very long time. Loss hit my family hard last year and writing through all of that rawness and feeling was just too thick and reactive and true for me to be clear about my ideas and my intent.

I lost my way; I lost my why.

Then there have been ripples. Ripples of loss hit unexpectedly and they are just as thick with emotion as the initial loss. Navigating the ripples is a process unto itself, but my healing is starting to be tangible. The days are brighter and I can see hope from where I stand. It will be okay. We will be okay.

I have learned some through this process, however: I am not comfortable emoting in public and I do not like to emit unconsidered thoughts. In these ways, the practice of writing out loud like this becomes problematic for me. But I do like sharing my creative process in a real and live way…and as I heal, I want to get back to that practice. I used to be a writer, I have been saying to my innermost self. I want to be that again. I need to write. And maybe writing needs my voice.

So here I am.